Afternoon with Darling

Had Eric Cheung's lecture on payment into court this morning. It wasn't exactly boring but the way he speaks is rather distracting. It wasn't easy to maintain conscious (notice, not "focused") for 2 and a half hours listening to him. Some dozens of people wore red and green to school today~ I wore a fluorescent green. I'd expected more~ Pitty many of them refused to sit together, I think the sight would have been spectacular.

Finished school today at 2pm. Very nice weather and as usual I tried my best to find a reason to stay in the streets. I took out my mobile to call Darling, just to find a missed call from her.

I walked to Staunton Street from HKU, pleasant walk. Went to Portabello and sat for some hours there. I had just picked up Wilkinson's book on professional conduct from Hok Yuen which gave meaning to my idling in the cafe~

The seat I chose was close to the road, where I could feel the natural breeze and at the same time enjoy the christmas scent that was coming from candles within the cafe. The christmas scent was every once in a while masked by chinese incense coming from an adjacent building. Towards the evening when both the sky and the lighting of the cafe dimmed there came smells of cooking from residential units nearby. The whole time I sat there I was kept awake and entertained by the variety of pleasant sensations to the nose~ The afternoon was made even more enjoyable by Darling's company. She talked about how film makers in Hong Kong make dangerous street chasing or explosion shots at the risk of being caught by the police because it's virtually impossible to get a permit to evacuate streets like Nathan Road unless you're Jacky Chan. She also talked about a script she's writing, which she has to make into movie. It seems she'll have difficulty getting it done without being charged with arson or disturbing the peace.

There was a lot of worries or discomfort in me earlier in the day. The afternoon tea was an effective anti-depressant.

I've fallen back into worrying about my future career which is likely to be non-existent. I've talked to a few people and my feelings are aggravated by my reading KW's diary. His entries are usually informative and enjoyable, it is as if I'm reading a magazine. I don't know if he is aware that I do keep track of his diary. It would be great if we can talk about the issues he raises there, but it's not easy to start such discussions under the contraint of time, especially when it's over the internet. He talks about practical reality, how he strives to excel in developing his career and at the same time making sure that he has a life outside work. I must say that he's man of ambition, which has been inspiring for me but at times it could also be somewhat overwhelming. It was him who drove me to seriously think about developing a career of my own and really try hard to achieve something, because with him, (as with other successful/brilliant people) I often feel like I'm stupid and I'm trash. I am aware that there are talents which I possess but at the same time, I know that they have not been and are not likely to be fully developed. However much I appreciate my non-commercial talents, I cannot help feeling that they're of little meaning.

I didn't think I need a successful career. I do now. Probably because everyone else has or will have one. But even if it is due to peer pressure, I'll gladly follow suit. Practical reality demands it, or will demand it in the years to come if not now. I canot see many options available at the moment. Unfortunately there's nothing much I can do now.