Hanging on....half dead/half alive.

Adversities makes a person a better artist - Tyra banks. Just watched America's Next Top Model (very outdated episode)

well yea, everybody should be an artist in their own way, as opposed to being a programmed robot.

Flue is clearing and voice is coming back, grateful. Got a call from Wattie a few days ago. Going to sing with him in a private dinner in March. Happy. Just as I thought i didn't have the urge to sing anymore, there came an opportunity to perform again. And I remembered how much i loved singing if it could entertain an audience.

Lost and frustrated. If there be a God, I beg for strength and hope. About a day or two ago, I tried to describe my life the past few months this way: I am the most popular ITEM for disposal. If you have to hire one person and not the other, i'll be the other. If you have to choose one girl and the other, again i'll be the other. Hurray!

I liked this description. I feel like an item, a pretty useless one. Job interviews, i screwed them up. ABSOLUTELY my fault. Fine. I can't believe how long this issue has been bothering me and I don't know how i've been surviving with this pressure. It's been with me for so long that it looks like I'm only complete with this nightmare haunting me every single day. Isn't it beautiful? How sweet.

Loads of thank-yous to my friends. Your presence is what kept me alive and safe.


Had a nice chat with Ting last night till 2 something. Yes i'm crazy. I've been allowing myself to take "courses"....i've paid so much tuition fees!! But in the end i think it's worth it, tho i have to say that this is a very self-torturing way of learning.

Didn't mean to comment much on friends' potential relationships but I hope what my courses taught me helped her analysis, that is, if she wanted to analyse it at all. Personally I'd try to minimise the speculation. Just pay the fees and see what the course covers (this is the advanced self-torture course, suited for suicidal persons or people who have tendency to murder.)

Anyway wish Ting the best of luck. It's good to stay simple. Don't worry too much!


Sunshine through the rain~~ Thanks to today's sunshine, i feel good.