My little notebook

So I haven't been writing.

Yes. So what?

I'm grateful that they haven't cancelled my blog yet after so many months of inactivity.

I'd just like to put down some ideas which I'll probably forget later on, ideas for my whatever creative works later on, IF ANY OR AT ALL.

The Affair with the Entertainer

Insecurity and Regret as life's major enemies

Humans are fundamentally lonely

The Islander


Bye see you soon.

Momentary Hush.

It's been three odd months since I last wrote here. It seemed to me I haven't written for even longer than that. My life was not quite a mess but it was close.

People say you should look at things the bright side. Let's do so.

I ran 10km in 1 hr 12 min on 4th March. I sincerely consider it as an achievement as I'd been given to understand that my legs are not designed for running since I was little. Having said that, the knee pain in my running 10km and the self-training beforehand only confirmed what that belief. Yes my legs are not designed for running.

However, I did get addicted. Which is a good thing. I'm not sure if I'm addicted to exercising or just running. I tend to think that it's the former, as I am in serious lack of exercise these days. So running is one big event in the past 3 months. What else?

I'm forcing myself to read more non-work related materials and get in touch with the real world. Perhaps not too successful yet but I have started doing so.

My socialising skills have improved a lot (considering that I started from having none).

Oh yes I've taken a lot of photos and overcoming my me-phobia. Only that I still try to reduce the amount of face that'll show as much as I can.

I've had another one of those pseudo-relationships with a very interesting person. Got me really upset for 3 days after which I came to realise why I'd been feeling so miserable the past 6 months. Thanks to him. So in the short time of....2 weeks? 3 weeks? My long-term depression was cured (ok largely cured). And I think I benefitted a lot in the ah....affair, and I should understand how disappointed he was when things happened the way it happened. And if I ever say thank you or sorry to him I'm confident I'm going to get a "damn you" from the bottom of his heart. Haha he's just adorable. Yeah I'm a psycho, may be that's why I'm single.

Ok. This is a good start, a warm up. I hope I'll write again soon.

Me-phobia

Haven't written for a while!! To recap:

I was in another one of my emotional rollercoasters the past few months and I had no mood whatsoever to write. On top of that, I really had no time to do so.

Work-wise, there are certain things i really dislike about my work, the nature of my work i mean, but i've got over that already (hopefully)

I've started to live a healthier life by starting to jog then i'll start running.

G has once again disappeared and I'll be glad to find his name in the missing person's database or even better the deaths registery. File closed.

Suddenly told by a friend that he's having a CD-launching party and that i may be able to jam some songs with him, very excited as its been ages since I've last sung. I hope his preparation is going smooth~

Overall, family, work and life in general, I'm slightly more stablized these days.

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Me-phobia

Spent a blissful fansiful relaxing night with the artistic phyllis last night. The biggest tool one can have for killing boredom is creativity. Oh well, may be pfor phyllis, with a camera.

Phyllis had intended that this photo session would cure my me-phobia(ie. phobia in facing/confronting whatever products made by or involving myself such as audio or visual recordings, pictures, writings, even my song arrangements) .

Did it help ..?
Technically no. (Sorry babe~) Although i think it has improved my condition. There was nothing to worry about as these photos are not going show my (full) face and they're going to be heavily edited so i'll only see Phyllis in these photos, not me. As in I believe Dorian Gray's portrait revealed the painter and not Gray himself.

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Relax.

Relapse.

I quit. I did. Just as I was starting to feel better, it came back.

I shouldn't even have hope. I say that I don't but I probably do.

Why didn't I choose what I need, instead of what I want?

Relapse.

moody~

Hello diary. I haven't written for a while. I've moved house. Nice place, very quiet although my room faces 3 tennis courts and I hear "pok" sounds of the tennis balls all the time. I like my new place. My new room seems spacious too. Seems. Haha. That's enough for me. I only use my bed and my desk basically.

Been quite moody these days, at work, about my family and well yes guys.

Working hard towards overcoming my mood swings.

Not quite in the mood the type a long entry now, just want to make a note that I feel caged. I'm going 24 but I feel being treated like a 3 year old.

As to guys....which is worse? Missing someone or missing the feeling of missing someone? I'm not quite sure.

Happy night~

Been sad and disturbed and restless for no particular reason the past few days.

This must happen at least once a month.

Thanks to Darling who called me at 7:30 for an ad hoc dinner~~ Long time no see~~ happy~

Thanks to CY & Friends for the badminton night~~ my first step back to sports~~

Great!! You people saved me from the blue tonight~

Going to play badminton with my coach (when i was a kid) this saturday~ Hopefully can return to swimming and tennis in 2 weeks.

meanwhile, i'm busy thinking about something else.....time to do something!

On the Move...

Moving house on 14/10, up one street, back to where I was 10 years ago, back to my beloved swimming pool (only that it's getting cooler and it's outdoors...)

Yup on the move.....i'm still young....need to maintain mobile. I can't help thinking about my career path every once in a while. Good chat with my colleague today!

Everything, if anything at all, will have to wait until after 14/10.

Great chat with Doug today too~

Meanwhile, EXERCISE!