OHK

Well, you meet more people, you see more wicked faces and hopefully you'll be able to recognise them in the future.

Is this too expensive a lesson though?

Incredibly there's been NONE.

Woke up early to finish up some work.

Mum asked: you slept so little can you handle it?

Answer is no but I said yes. Wouldn't matter what I say tho, mum just says after that, "don't continue to play these after this one is over"

Ok, what mum(and dad) had asked me about my life the past 2 or 3 months:
1. can you handle it?
2. do you get enough time for study?
3. when will your activities stop?
4. are you going to rehearsal AGAIN??
5. when is the show?
6. how long will it last?
7. can you manage your other things?

NOT a question as to why I sing in different organisations and which type of singing i like. NOT a question as to what i actually do in rehearsals. NOT a question like "how's rehearsal?" NOT a question that shows any appreciation of what i'm doing. NOT a question to even show they're interested.

They didn't watch the first opera, said it was expensive and they apparently are not interested. Same thing this time. I'm perfectly fine if you say you're not interested. Please stay home if you don't like it. BUT WHY DID YOU HAVE TO ACT AS IF YOU'RE INTERESTED IN FRONT OF OTHER AUNTIES WHEN THEY SAY THEY'RE INTERESTED??

My parents were not coming to see what i've been involved in and they are now coming just because other uncles said they would come.

It's really incredible. There has been NO support whatsoever. CRITICISMS. CAN THEY EVER STOP CRITICISING?

Oh! Crudeli!

I'm preparing the classwork for small group civil tomorrow. I'll just like to leave a few words here real quick.

Tired. What I did this weekend: OHK rehearsal till night time then go for family dinners. Dinners I could have skipped but I decided to drag myself to the restaurant which happened to be in Cow Head Corner on Saturday. It was nice meeting my cousins but i was annoyed by well a number of things. I don't know if my parents know i'm exhausted basically drained both physically and mentally after rehearsals. They just don't seem to know or if they know, they don't seem to care. First thing mom said to me in the day was, why I was dressed in shirt and heels and jeans and she thought it looked weird. I was wearing suit that morning, a saturday, in 31 degrees celsius for a bloody bail application for which I didn't have much time to prepare. I hadn't had lunch, it was close to 9 pm and dinner hadn't started yet, I was collapsing and yea that's just what I needed most, a criticism as to my clothes. Then, she insisted that I dance, after a day of bail application and blocking rehearsals, standing in heels, with the relative I despise most, after I expressly said "no i'm too tired and i'm in heels". Her response was: you can take off your heels. I gave a firm NO in front of everyone. I just couldn't do it.

Second day, after rehearsals I got new instructions from my family that i'm going to dine with another auntie from Australia. Only after I arrived did i discover i was to dine with 4 tables of strangers, some uncles I knew and they just wouldn't stop drinking. INCREDIBLY NICE PEOPLE THEY ARE, I LOVE THEM REALLY, but i would appreciate being informed of what kind of occasion it is before i'm asked to attend it. There were australians and japanese and speaking to strangers, to me, does require some mental input. I was again collapsing, I was alcohol-filled and intellectual conversations were expected from me. PLEASE MAY I BE INFORMED if I am going to have to make a display of my out-focused iris and blackened sockets and temporarily dysfunctional cerebrum?

Em, I was very happy about my bail application, I had no expectation whatsoever considering how little time I'd spent on it, but tutor said it was good and it was "first class"....er....the problem remains, whether my tutor is first class.....

more later back to work. Will skipped tomorrow morning's lecture.

Back to school - day 1

It's the start of the school year. Day 1, I skipped the ceremony like everyone else had done for the past 3 years, i skipped the welcome reception and went back for Intoduction to PCLL and a 2-hour ice-breaking small group session.

Rayson Huang Theatre was almost full. PCLL is such a large "class". All of a sudden this pressure of feeling incompetent came back. I've been feeling like crap for the past 3 years at school. This annoying feeling is going to stay with me for some years unless I do something to change it.

Had lunch with LLb friends, it was an unusual group, consisting of about 3 subgroups? We all know each other but we're not that close and we don't normally gather. Still it was an enjoyable afternoon. I tried to talk to everyone at the table. Actually I think it's only a matter of manner to do so. I just received a comment from a friend, who is older and more mature, that I seem to be rather reserved. As a matter of fact I am, and I have been improving. This big group lunch is one part of the training? =)

After lunch, we had a 2-hour secondary-school-like getting-to know-each-ther session. I take it that ice-breaking was one aim and the other is to illustrate to us how important it is for the courses to come to be able to give constructive feedback to each other. HKU LLB graduates don't form more than one third of the PCLL course (of about 300) and I'm glad that i know a few people in my class. Got a chance to chat with the elder Chain brother should be ok friendly. I would feel less comfortable if it's the younger brother....tho I don't think it actually matters much~ -_-! There's another person I know who's in my class. This is not particularly bad news but it might have been better if this didn't happen. What she did scared me and I will continue my stance cos' no matter how enthusiastic she's been trying to reopen communication, there's nothing she has done or will ever be able to do to show that she's anything other than dangerous.

By the way I somehow volunteered to be a class rep. I had told myself to stop picking up duties shit~ it wouldn't be a demanding job but still it's some kind of responsibility~ I dont' know why I took it. May be I just can't stand the waiting-for-volunteer silence~

Anyway I went for photo-shooting for the student card wth Ming Chiu after class. Met the chain brothers and a couple of LLB students. Ming Chiu, I thought he was rather cool but he seems to be more easily approachable than I expected. The crowd chatted and I inevitably felt slightly overwhelmed by the 3 "scholar"s' presence~ai~ Can't get rid of law firm names through the conversation~ > _ < !!!

I'm busy enough. Why do I miss him?

I brought it upon myself.

It has been......half a year??? Why on earth am I still clinging onto this memory?

I remember he asked why I liked him. "Is it only because I'm nice to you?" No.

But if you ask me again today, why do I still care? Is it because I crave for someone to treat me as he did? F* ~ why do I even bother?


Must be having hormonal imbalances now....

Lacking self-discipline

It is a disease, either inborn or highly infectious, to feel uneasy, uncomfortable or even guilty if you have one minute without being occupied by work.

I'm eager to start working, I'm looking for a job that's exciting and challenging but I have no wish to enslave myself for any company or firm.

How arrogant I am....who am I to say that? I don't even have an offer yet and I have been procrastinating further job search.


I was just telling myself to give myself a break. I thought life would go back to normal in september as school starts and i'll be going to 2 rehearsals a week only. Who would have known that i would pick up another tutor student!!! I'm really suicidal. This student will be my major income but then, I won't starve without him, worst is that i have to go to my parents~ All along i've been trying to tell myself that the most important goal for me this academic year is to get a better result, get a job and read more books. Look at my schedule now, where on earth do i find time for books?!?!?!

Ok september is the limit. Stop nite time activities after that!!! (except for salsa hehee.....)
Yea i'm picking up salsa again in October, hopefully.

Sigh~ I need more discipline.

Impressed by Beijing

The trip was rather short and it was a nice one. I hadn't much expectation of what I would see when I set off from Hong Kong as I knew little about the development of China's modern cities. The only places in mainland China where I had been to was Guangzhou and Xi An. The former is not very different from Hong Kong and the latter is a less advanced city with more archaeological preserves to visit. As for the capital, I really didn't know what to expect. But now that I've been there, I must say that I was very impressed, by its city planning, order, the people....everything.

We were told by our local guide that the map of Beijing changes as frequently as monthly nowadays as buildings and roads are developing (at a pace I would consider as extraordinarily) fast in preparation for the Olympics in 2008. Buildings are very stylish, most of them are modern architectures with (as compared to HK) creative designs and they are gigantic in size(again, probably as compared to HK only...). The creative shapes of the buildings, we were told, can be attributed to Fung Shui, which results in for example a building that looks like a blade/sword. I saw a number of buildings which deliberately retained/used the style of traditional chinese architecture too....I like those a lot and I think it's a pitty that they only form a minority of the buildings around the city centre.

The roads! are amazing. I've been to some of the most advanced cities in the world but I have never been so amazed by the road system and the size of it.....ok may be I was too little to notice these when I travelled to other places. Em...i don't know how to describe it. It's just impressive.
Oh by the way, the traffic in Beijing, unlike what i'd seen in guangdong and xian, is very orderly. Should I be surprised?

I think that Beijing is a very properous city. I don't know how well the economy is doing in reality but it does seem quite good on the outset (ah.....around the city centre i mean....) Businesses seeeems to be thriving....loads of tourists even towards the end of the hot summer season, mainly Chinese from other provinces and Koreans, and then whites.

We were brought to, as part of our journey, a famous tea house, silk factory, 同仁堂and other famous places where they sell high quality which of course means also high priced products. These are really expensive and they are making a lot of money because tourists (other than my dad) are willing to buy them. Putting aside the fact that they may seem a bit over-priced, it's good in the sense that China is investing a lot of resources in promoting its culture alongside with its business. Haha from general observation, if these entities go listed, buy their stocks! Keep en eye on 同仁堂 More on 同仁堂 later.

Business......bit saddening is that as a fast developing modern city the best shopping malls are already occupied by the international corporate giants like the LV group and along the streets you can see shops you can find in IFC and Landmark in HK. It is outrageous that the first shop you see when you get out from the airport customs is * DAH DAHHHHHHHH**** STARBUCKS. (same case in HK @_@!) Starbucks is penetrating every corner and it's expanding like 7/11 and it's starting to annoy me.

The local people I saw are in the tourist industry. Some of them had execellent manners other not as wonderful but still good. I've seen some of them communicating with other locals and I saw them perform 變臉. Quite a big difference. I've also seen very nice local people. On average I think that Beijing locals are friendly and nice, though at times they may seem blunt and loud, but we all know that being loud doesn't necessarily mean one is impolite. It's a matter of culture I guess.....less civilized and impolite and rude people I saw were tourists coming from other provinces from around mainland China. They yell instructions towards their families and allow their not-so-little kids to pee at the entrance of the Forbidden City and I don't know if it applies to people in China generally? (I hope not) They seem to like to spit. Or may be it has become habitual.

Oh one more thing. I think the girls in Beijing are very pretty~ Haha....very nice skin, big eyes, healthy figures...don't know much about their manners though.

I like Beijing. The thought of working and living in Beijing came up the second day I was there. But I was told that Shang hai would be a better place to work if i'm not in politics and tourism, that shang hai is more commercial, it is more advanced and the weather is better too. Looking forward to a trip to Shang Hai. Ai ya when...???